An empty page, and an almost empty heart.
I’ve grown tired of trying to listen, trying to write, trying to be.
Instead I’ll just put my head down, push through the madness, embrace the wind, and just get through.
We’re all just getting through, aren’t we?
I read through old journals with scribbled pages, and old blog posts that make me feel like an outsider looking in. I always wanted to see what everyone else sees. I always wanted to push my face up against the window of me and get a good look.
That’s why I’m going into counseling, right? So I can understand the humans, and by the humans, I mean all of us. I mean me.
There is a fire inside of me that I can’t put out. A passion for words and living and breathing and moving and helping and fighting for the least of these and the lonely and the overlooked and mistreated.
Go back through and check your rough drafts, because they might bring insight into your heart’s health.
One of the biggest things I am ever-learning is that we are okay. I am okay. It’s okay to go slow, to feel, to be hurt, to need time, to be well, to move forward, to succeed, and to fail. Somewhere along the line we picked up this philosophy that we have to do things at the same speed as everyone else, if not faster, to prove that we are worthy.
Worthy of what?
It’s not true. Oh, friend it’s not true.
Our identity is firmly rooted in who Christ says that we are. I know we can hear that over and over before it makes an impact on our hearts. But I’m finding in my own life when I let the truth of my place in the family of God take root, it changes me. It changes everything.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ. For He chose us in Him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love He predestined us for adoption to sonship through Jesus Christ, in accordance with His pleasure and will—to the praise of His glorious grace, which He has freely given us in the One He loves. –Ephesians 1:3-6
Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal to you the depths of your identity IN Christ, as a chosen, loved, blameless, adopted child, and watch the Scriptures come to life before your eyes. Because it’s everywhere.
The Gospel is not about action-management or status-change, it’s about a total change of identity. God adopts us into His family before we’re made right (Romans 5). He gives us all the power we need to live the life He requires, not because of who we are, but because of who we b e l o n g to.
This revelation is constantly washing over my mind and heart as I feel the weight of striving and earning falling away with the realization that I simply am just a human. A loved human. A chosen human.
When we’re loved, we’re able to see clearly. I don’t have to look back and wish for what was. I don’t have to look forward with fear.
I can simply look up and see Who it is that is holding me, and look inside to see Him changing me piece by piece in His perfect way.